A New Year Came With A Surprise! First Trimester with TWINS
Well happy New Year! Happy New DECADE, and a very shocking beginning for my family as we unexpectedly are growing our family by TWOFOLD this summer!
If you have read this space for sometime, you may already know that last February I had a miscarriage, and it was twins. You can read that post here. If I were to rewind to the very beginning of my husband’s and my journey together, we both had shared so naively and sweetly on our first date, pizza at Old Chicago in downtown Denver (no longer there), that we both wanted four kids. Insert eye rolls or scoffs now, but its true. He and I are both one of four children.
After we had our first, we really had not done prevention well enough. I was breastfeeding and for some reason concerned that my breast milk would be affected if I took birth control- now I understand this to be a very uneducated assumption and the furthest thing from true, and also, you CAN indeed get pregnant without a period. I don’t remember exactly, but I think I had one cycle. We took a Christmas trip to NYC with our babe, and I just had a FEELING while we were there over the holiday. I think my clues are hot flashes and dizziness. I just KNEW. I came home and took a pregnancy test and found out on New Years’ day I was pregnant with my second. Another New Year surprise!
That was unplanned and unexpected. I remember crying. My husband was excited and asked me why I was upset, I remember saying, “I already HAVE a BABY!” They are 16 months apart. I am not going to sugar coat it- it was a REALLY tough road for me to handle the two. My husband has very active jobs which keep him busy and I remember just four years of diapers, feedings, late nights, running around doing ALL the THINGS one does with babies and toddlers. The milestones were just stacked on top of each other. I don’t remember either crawling much or getting into things, but the disaster control and injury prevention stage….the walking, the solid foods, the potty training… It was a LONG four years to be honest. It wasn’t until my first went to pre-school that I could breathe. I don’t have a nanny, we rarely got a sitter, and I can count on one hand the times we left them over night. I think one time was leaving my first born when I gave birth to my second and the second time was for my brother in law’s wedding that was out of state- we left my firstborn with family and took my second because she was only four months old and breastfeeding. The last time was when my husband and I finally took a trip just us a couple years ago, we left both girls. Neither took a bottle so I was the one and only really keeping them alive. Some of you might be able to relate.
Anyway, my two girls are EXTREMELY active. They never sit. I always held onto the idea of a third. I always felt like there was ONE more happening for us, for me. I am one to really enjoy pregnancy and newborn into early toddler stage. Once the tantrums start, it gets hairy for me, a super TYPE A personality. Let’s face it, who DOES like the toddler tantrum phase? There are such SWEET and adorable moments happening when they learn to talk and interact though… it totally cancels out the hour and a half long cry fests…right? Anyway, as time marched on my husband was really just settled with two. I wasn’t so content.
I honestly did want to experience pregnancy and a baby one more time. On MY time this time. SO I left it up to nature and God and it didn’t really happen for a long while, maybe a year I think…Then last year I found out I was expecting around New Years… I am seeing a trend here…Anyway, by the time we had went in for the first ultra sound the pregnancy had terminated. I had no signs or symptoms of a miscarriage. They had stopped growing around 6 weeks. I didn’t close the doors on one more right away. I waited for the dust to settle and let my emotions really shake out from that. I remember at the time being confused and really researching the internet for answers to an unknown. I remember crying a handful of times. But to be honest, and this may seem cold to some, I was not miserable or depressed. I lived my life, marched on, understood it to be biologically unviable for science related reasons. I remember talking it out with friends and really reliving it with a sigh of relief that it had happened because that year my personal life was actually in turmoil and it would have been the worst time to bring new life into it. I remember even telling a few that it was a relief because there were TWO fetuses, and “can you imagine?!” I was not hell-bent on trying again. I was not insistent we have another. I just left it alone and let time go on a little longer.
Last November husband and I had a date night, and I remember feeling ready to finally move forward with the life we had, the two healthy girls, and look forward to what my personal journey might be next. His brother had a baby last November, and I really had zero urges or needs to go back to diapers and feedings and essentially START OVER. I think that was the clincher for me. I was finally ready to move on. I told husband to go ahead and schedule a V. Well, apparently God had other plans for our family. It must have happened then actually!
December came, and that’s when I discovered that maybe there was a little bookend coming. I was not excited, I cried this time too. I was honestly completely satisfied and content and had verbally said it aloud and that was my choice and I had given permission to my husband to take care of himself to prevent…I was in the mindset we were a family of four. I was nervous to tell husband. Scared really. It wasn’t a jovial, giddy share, let me tell you. I know we were not being responsible if we definitely did not want another, but at the same time it had taken SO long to get pregnant, a year both of the last times. We weren’t careful. We had adult consequences to come to terms with… It did not take my husband long to get used to the idea of one more, and he was more excited than I.
It took me until now, 16 weeks to get excited. Perhaps I was still in shock. Perhaps after experiencing a miscarriage, the HAPPY and the JOY sort of hides out until things are really feeling more permanent. Of course anything can happen at any moment, but I am finally feeling solid about this pregnancy at 16 weeks. FOUR months in! I feel so accomplished!
When we went to the first ultra sound, she said there was two. We were both really quiet and just matter-of-fact. I somehow was not shocked for some intuitive reason. Very odd. I wasn’t thrilled, but I was not devastated. Typing it out now, perhaps I was reliving that moment that I was supposed to have in that exam room almost a year ago to the day, just off by a month of each other. When they say have faith…I believe I have a strong faith in God, but never to get what I want, or even need. I believe our lives are predestined, from the time before we are earth side, and for me personally when I say I always remain faithful to God, I mean that I know he has a plan for me, for us, for everything, and I don’t try to question. I think that is how I was able to bounce on after miscarrying. I just knew there was a plan. Either way. Whatever the outcome. That was part of my story. I didn’t dwell on it.
God graced us with two. We are having two more. This is my story too. It’s quite exciting to NOT always know how everything unfolds…There is a new lightness, a new closeness, a sweetness to the air around the house… in between insane hormonal rages, like this morning when there wasn’t raisins cooked IN with the oatmeal but added after- SORRY to my husband…It was something we all are welcoming and anticipating and never really planned for or wished for.
So I am safely and securely out of the “danger zone,’ or the first trimester. I never get morning sickness with any of my pregnancies which is so very fortunate! I did have some food aversions. Things that sounded good- Cup-o-Noodle soup, bagels, carbs! But also, avocado, black olives, salmon, SUSHI, lox on bagels…I remember having some VERY tired days and napping hard. I still like to turn in early, basically after I put my girls to bed I shower and get into bed myself. It does not help that here in Colorado we had a VERY cold and miserable, DRAB and gray January (my least favorite month of all) and now February has brought us snow about every two to three days- its snowing this very moment, and its quite beautiful! I am a native to Colorado- so cold and snow are to be expected. I always tell people, “Well, it’s winter in Colorado…” they hate that…I actually love the snowfall! If it is going to be cold- let there be SNOW!
It has made the first trimester easy to fashion hibernate! A huge puffer coat, big sweatshirts and leggings. I have managed to keep consistent with my pilates practice two to three times a week. So rather than dressing up and putting all my makeup on and accessorizing before I drop the girls off to school in the mornings as I had always done, I sort of let myself go. I hate admitting that- and its NOT me to do that. I hate going in public with a messy top knot, my acne exposed, snow boots and tights on…I have always suffered with acne, ALWAYS, no matter what I do or try, but pregnancy really has a grand way of accentuating it- thank you. I went to the girls’ Valentine’s Day parties last week and I had ZERO time to go home and do any makeup or wardrobe change after pilates, I felt like I should just go as-is, for my girls, because they won’t remember the disheveled look, they’ll just remember I was there. I was feeling pretty solid about that decision until a kindergarten boy said I had a lot of, gesturing to polka dots all over his face, a lot of you know, and a girl next to him added, “you should wash your face.” I am fairly certain I cried inside. But hey, SPRING is almost here! I am looking forward to spring for SO many reasons. It’s one of my favorite seasons-SUNSHINE< TULIPS, PARKS, EASTER, and my BIRTHDAY! I love spring! One big reason too, is I can finally be able to dress up and feel like myself again and put a dress on! Winter maternity wear is the WORST….give me a spring summer pregnancy any day.
Most people run hot when they’re pregnant- well, I have ran in the opposite direction- FREEZING! Give me a chunky knit hat even when its fifty degrees out! Anyway, I feel like when the weather finally warms up, my bump will have finally sprung too, and then I can walk around more confidently- like yes, this belly is in fact a BABY and not Christmas candies. It has already popped in my opinion, but still hard for a stranger to determine what is happening in my mid section. Hell, hard for ME to tell haha! Not big enough to definitively require MATERNITY…I have found that tighter knit dresses are my friend and the Isabel maternity black hosiery tights at Target are INCREDIBLE- once I bought a pair of those I could wear some of my current dresses! Can’t wait for the no-tights-weather!
We have had a successful 12 week sonogram and got some cute images back in February! I had a wonderful 16 week checkup yesterday. Last weekend we set up the nursery completely. It’s done expect closet organization and decor, but the furniture was ordered, arrived and constructed! It feels GREAT! I am already getting uncomfortable and had to take numerous potty and snack breaks this weekend in between building an IKEA dresser. I cannot complain. I had taken the girls to acting class and came home to two cribs and a glider in my nursery thank YOU HUSBAND! I love that my husband does not let projects sit either! We even got a ceiling hanging up and a curtain rod! Did I mention I was type A?
I just love having all the big stuff set and out of the way, now I can focus on all the fun details and organization and prep. Especially knowing I am carrying TWO and I could have them early potentially, and I am going to grow exponentially week by week, only growing more grumpy, tired and uncomfortable, I want things done NOW. Who wants to wait until 36 weeks for this stuff?!
As for gender, I know that is a big question looming for everyone- AND US, but I like to wait until 20 weeks to find out. It keeps me energized and excited and have something to look forward to! A half-way point! I think the wait is exciting. SO I did NOT do a blood test or genetics testing. I can tell you that at 12 weeks we found out that we have the lowest risk for twin pregnancies, two sacs, two placentas. We won’t know if they are fraternal or identical. Gender will tell us a little more. If there is one of each, obviously it would not be identical. If they are of the same gender, apparently there is no way to tell until they are born and you do a DNA test or blood work. Still fuzzy on that part of twins. Elaborate in the comments if you know!
And NO, twins do not “run in the family.” As I mentioned, I miscarried twins last year, so apparently my body is either ovulating extra, or the egg split. It is well known that women over 35 have more chances of having multiples because of our bodies and hormones and ovulation, and egg can split….So be careful! Eek, guess cat’s out of the bag, I am a hair over 35. According to modern medical science a bonafide grandmother with child- which is so f-ing annoying and inaccurate.
We all had a gnarly cold right after New Years’ that knocked me off my feet for two to three days. It was horrible. Sinus, ear aches, cough….fever, chills….but we pulled through. Then over Valentine’s Day weekend was sort of pooped on because husband was out of town for work and BOTH girls got a nasty stomach bug that had them vomiting. Luckily it was only a 12 hour thing, no fevers, and they were back to their normal selves. I managed to escape it… THANK YOU LORD! Other than that, a healthy, glowing, perfect pregnancy so far! Feeling very grateful and really enjoying it.
My first trimester must haves: Epsom salt baths, I was NEVER a bath girl before but they really do wonders for drawing out a headache or ease sore muscles and just relax. Stretchy sleeping bras. If I forget to put it on I wake up in pain- this is something I never did before but probably should have. I have read that it might help prevent stretching out the breast tissue and avoiding stretch marks, by keeping everything up and tight to the body with all the growth…Something I do similarly to my last two pregnancies and swear by is slathering on Palmer’s Cocoa Butter lotion after a shower, essentially a thick layer all over my torso, belly, into back, hips, pelvis, thighs and upper arms. I am trying a new formula they have which is less smelly, but I am worried it won’t work the same, so I may get the original and do one in the am and one in the pm. What else has been a life saver, oh honey-lemon Ricola lozenges when I was sick, saltine crackers in my car for in between my two breakfasts, reruns of the Big Bang theory have been delightful to me, did I mention bagels? Oh- GUACAMOLE! I LOVE guac! Once 10.5 weeks hit, I felt like my pre-pregnant self and had normal amounts of energy again. The food aversions went away for a while, but they returned a little last week. I here they come and go. Oh, TUMS! I get heartburn- every. single. pregnancy. Husband bought me a BIG tall bottle with a straw and I am drinking loads of water. My body naturally turns off coffee- very interesting because i basically had coffee ALL day before I get pregnant. My body is amazing at telling me what I need and don’t need. Loving strawberries too, which normally I am not a big fruit eater besides bananas, peaches and pears, so more citrus in my diet. I always have loved veggies and eating well before, but really enjoying asparagus spears and alfalfa sprouts…. Did I mention sushi? In moderation….I have read that because most sushi is previously frozen, it kills the bad bacteria anyway from that process alone. I haven’t needed any products yet, but I may need to bring out my belly band for support soon. I am loving a set of pajamas from Target that are so silky and comfy.
Here are some photos from 12 weeks! Can’t believe that was a month ago! Hope to check back in more often around these parts. OH, and my girls are VERY excited! My oldest is asking a lot of questions, a funny one being, “What if there’s three…” which actually is not too funny. I am excited to finally try to do a proper GENDER REVEAL with them after we find out at the end of March. The other night at dinner husband asked for name ideas and Lo suggested, Little Miss and Sprout, which honestly I like, haha!
Finally excited and happy and onto my second trimester with TWINS! I still can’t believe I am going to be a other of FOUR.
Stay warm! Spring we are ready for you!
…Glo
